tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-83203282024-03-13T16:17:38.860-05:00Sidewalk cracksJust sowing some ideas and seeing what sprouts. Ramblings, mostly.MegaMohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02984693155583251825noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8320328.post-1102105995470136652004-12-03T15:09:00.001-06:002011-03-02T09:15:08.826-06:00Brought to you by the Letter Y....I think that the letter "Y" may very well have become my favorite of all 26 letters in the standard English alphabet. Which other letter has such versatility, such grace, such... goalpostish shape? It is a sort of metrosexual among letters, masquerading most days as a consonant, but we've all heard the rumors about "...and sometimes Y" and his/her/its double life as an occasional vowel. It's not fooling us with is machismo attitude beneath well-groomed uprights and breathy pronunciation. <br />
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I think the thing I like most about the letter Y is it's ability to pose as a question. We all know the 2-year old's affinity for our favorite letter. The sky is blue.. "Y?" And it is not until much later in life that we give up our inborn curiosity and love for this next-to-last letter, and cynically adopt the complex <i>word</i>, "B-cause" to explain life's conundrums. B-cause... such a harsh word, filled with jaded dreams, with a defeated attitude that says "this is how it is, how it always will be. Accept it." <i>B-cause</i> seems to reject hope for change and progress and betterment of the world in general. <br />
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But Y? Y should I accept the all-powerful tyranny of "B-cause?" And if you say "Just because," then I spit at you with a powerful "P." Y is the only letter that probes our minds to discover -- to discover new worlds, old worlds, microcosms, solar systems, God, self, soul, life, death, and truth. If not for "Y" this world would still be eons back... at least the English speaking world.... <br />
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Y the rant about such a top-heavy letter? Because I find myself asking it often lately. I used to thing that asking Y was childish and immature and naive and facetiously hopeful, or audaciously rebellious. I mean, who am I to discover and challenge and believe and, overall, to question the way things are? I mean, I can't ask the established social norm Y this or that custom or tradition is considered okay, or Y that selfsame norm was established in the first place. <br />
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I can't question authority, "Y don't we try to do this?" or "Y has this still been going on?" That is rude and presumptuous. It assumes rights of free thought and cognition and creativity. <br />
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And, heaven forbid I ask God "Y" about anything. To do so would entice all kinds of bitterness and anger and sorrow from my safe little box of hiding within me. If you can't C it, then I'm OK. It doesn't matter if I bottle up my emotions and pretend to hide my confusion from God. So long as I never dare question Him like a little boy asking his daddy "Y is the sky blue" or "Y did Fluffy stop moving when the car hit her?" <br />
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Heaven forbid I approach God with honest curiosity and confusion, pleading "Y, Daddy, Y are things like this? Y does life work this way? Y do I have to deal with this?" Heaven forbid I question Him and seek to answer. Heaven forbid I ask that it might be given to me, that I seek only to discover what I was looking for, that I knock upon a door behind which stands the Father of Truth and all answers. <br />
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No, I want to approach the throne with <i>that</i> interrogative attitude, seeking to <i>know</i> who He is, to <i>know</i> what, and how and, ultimately <i>Y</i> things are like they are. <br />
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Jesus said that we who would approach him with a childlike faith would be received. What better describes a child than curiosity and innocent honest ignorance longing to be resolved with the simple proposition: "Y?"MegaMohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02984693155583251825noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8320328.post-1097555764012621382004-10-11T22:51:00.000-05:002004-10-11T23:36:36.466-05:00Maybe I<p>I am cold.
<br />I am hard.
<br />Drive me deep,
<br />Leave a scar.</p><p>Kill the good to keep the bad.
<br />All I want
<br />Is all I had.
<br />But now I have
<br />What's not desired.
<br />I don't want rain
<br />Or ice
<br />Or fire.</p><p>I don't want life,
<br />but might want death
<br />If death is all
<br />This life has left.
<br />
<br />But drive me deep
<br />Through bony hand
<br />Through Holy God
<br />In bloody man.
<br />
<br />I am a nail
<br />I am his pain
<br />I wear his blood
<br />I wear his Name.
<br />
<br />And hardened steel
<br />Blood cannot break.
<br />It cannot give
<br />or keep or take.
<br />It only changes
<br />name to Name
<br />to make your own
<br />and mine the same.
<br />
<br />It only gives thewound its balm
<br />It won't prevent,
<br />It will not calm
<br />The frantic mind
<br />The maddened heart
<br />That tears my soul and life apart.</p><p>The only hope I have is Now</p><p>I don't see why,
<br />I can't see how.
<br />
<br />Blindness coversHoly light
<br />Confusion makes my wrong
<br />Seem right.
<br />
<br />I sink into
<br />familiar mud
<br />That covers over
<br />Holy blood
<br />That seems now thinner,
<br />Seems to fade
<br />It seems to chase my hopes away.</p><p>I fear myself.
<br />I fear the change.
<br />I fear the world.</p><p>I fear the blade
<br />That says my pain it will subdue.</p><p>(It's more than I
<br />Can say for You.)</p><p>The edge is sharp to dull my pain
<br />With lasting scars to bring me change.</p><p>New blood runs down
<br />With mingled sin
<br />My blood without
<br />Your Blood within
<br />
<br />I bleed the evil spirits dry
<br />I want to wail
<br />But will not cry.
<br />I will not shed a lonely tear
<br />For sorrow bends beneath my fear:</p><p>The fear of weakness;
<br />Falling fast;
<br />Of trusting things that cannot last;
<br />Of peace and love;
<br />of mercy strong;
<br />Of broken heart;
<br />Of healing song;
<br />Of holy grace
<br />And holy name
<br />And all the Things that stay the Same.</p><p>But what I think I fear the least
<br />Is sitting here alone in grief</p><p>If no one sees the sorrow fall
<br />Then maybe I deny it all
<br />And maybe I just made it up
<br />And maybe I am really tough
<br />And maybe life ain't all that bad
<br />And maybe I'm not really sad....</p><p>But maybe Iam just a man
<br />Who weaves his pain through lines of sand,
<br />And hopes for tide to come and wash
<br />Away the gain,
<br />Erase the loss.</p><p>Or maybe wind will blur the lines
<br />and give me hope and give me time
<br />to clear my heart, to clear my mind
<br />to clear my voice and praises find
<br />In light of your Forgetfulness.</p><p>And not of my Unworthiness.</p><p>And maybe threads are razor scars
<br />And maybe life is really hard
<br />And maybe blood will cover sin
<br />On other men who trust in Him.</p><p>But sin in me blood still requires
<br />It needs to burn with cutting fire.</p><p>It needs another sSacrifice.
<br />But just of pain,
<br />And not of life
<br />And just of blood
<br />And not of soul.
<br />Just my part,
<br />not my whole.</p><p>And maybe I am really small
<br />And bigger problems hide it all
<br />And maybe I can sleep at night
<br />In spite of thoughts that give me fright.</p><p>'Cause maybe I'm not all that bad....</p><p>And maybe I can stand and fight...</p><p>But, probably, I'm just a mess
<br />Who'll never get it right.</p>
<br />MegaMohttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02984693155583251825noreply@blogger.com0